Why I’m Here

2026-04-30

Introduction

Since the last time I found words to share, years back, I have tried ten or so times to write. It was so long ago that I am faced with the possibility that I have forgotten how to do it. Or it might be that I am nervous it'll be boring, or that you the reader may find this boring. This is the result of often pointing toward deep dark brain regions as the most common subject of most of my creative work to date. This propensity to look inward is fading as I age/take care of myself more. I realised this the other day when I remembered that I used to make music all the time: Beavering away on my own trying to create some sort of order in a system devoid of any rules.

It isn't that I don't want to make music or that I don't have ideas. Fu^k it I just realised that I really am mentally geared toward working on something which enhances the lives of the people around me. In music this payoff comes rarely. Music is SO hard guys, NGL on top of managing the fact that working with music as a sensitive person brings so much difficulty to my existence, being available enough to work with that energy is extremely involved. I don't approach music as a scientist would an experiment. I wish I did. In the end, I think creativity in a vacuum isn't what I was born to do. Working with Luis on our band Power Therapy gives me structure. Working at my day job making a website a lot of people really use and rely on gives me so much purpose. Music has to remain for me as always something else, I can't put more pressure on it than that. More will come.

A guitarist and a drummer laughing together during a band practice session — *jonny_and_luis_power_therapy_hybrid3_sheffield*

The World of Sharing

The world’s heart is squeezed for better or worse by short form video. Here we go... another predictable comment about the self curating, about the thinking behind the comment, the thinking behind the 🔥 (fire) emoji. I have stopped sharing very much. A friend asked me about a charged lake the other day; "wheres the content?" I appreciated the question a lot, I needed reminding people can see me. Throwing a charged lake out into the world rattled me a bit inside, not due to the decision but because it had to be transmitted and it was yet another upheaval requiring flexibility from anyone observing my efforts.

People who know me will know I an emotional person; short form social media is not it for me. The other day I found myself trying to wipe my arse while I watched some really, extremely interesting short video which was so intriguing, I let it play over and over while I washed and dried my hands, then finally I could get back to investigate further: Taps through to the creator, check a few other of their ultra absorbing videos... Look up, one year has passed im still in the bathroom. I can't produce in an impossibly competitive environment. How can I compete with these giant bunny rabbits and hyper edited food reviewers? Competition to me has to feel supportive, bouncing ideas in a safe environment. This platform is no community when it is breached by infinite imposters.

A digitally drawn person in a green hooded jacket holds a glowing blue phone against a black background. — *i_consult_myself.jpg*

So eventually again I deleted instagram in a form of circular protest, which I have done a countless times naturally. This time it’s different, until it's not of course. Then in comes Reddit, surely, switch to that no worries. Relax and have a look at articles, that should be fine... 💀

I am starting to get this feeling inside that extreme levels of entertainment from the endless You've Been Framed episode from Hell are starting to become a problem for me, when I am supposed to be relaxing and not working?

I am not advocating for any one suggestion. Not yukking anyones yum. I am trying to explain partially to myself, marking the occasion, the intricacies of the problem I am facing. Engagement is important, I want to be part of community, I want to share. The internet has made this impossible for me now by quantifying those sharing moments. The psychological grip or performance on platforms like instagram can lay over my day to day thoughts and actions is remarkably powerful.

I have an iPhone. Its chip has ~15 billion transistors switching states millions of times per second. This is linked through the air to a data exchange network containing estimated ~100 trillion gigabytes, 1.7 million gigabytes generated every minute. Surely there is a way I can enjoy this utterly magical instrument. It needs to be not overwhelming. When you can have everything what the hell do you do with that? It reminds me of a concept my partner told me about addiction. The restriction binge pendulum. I wonder if we are now getting to the peak of our consumption of short-form video. Maybe it will become less interesting and powerful. I have deleted Reddit now too...

Thank you for reading. This is my first post on Substack.

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